Jackie's Personal Story as a Cancer Caregiver
March, 1999
(note: Jackie's husband, Chuck, was diagnosed in December 1997 with Prostate Cancer, had surgery in March 1998, and had radiation in August and September 1998.)
For the first few days after his last appointment, Chuck was in an extremely good mood. In fact, I was a little bit concerned that he wasn't acting like himself at all. For a while it seemed as though he refused to take anything seriously. While this was preferable to his down swings, I'm concerned that several days of almost manic behavior, followed by about a week during which nothing I or anyone else said or did was right is a symptom of continued depression. When he gets like that I tend to become defensive, which doesn't help either of our moods.
During the third week of February, nothing seemed to please him. He was down on himself and everyone else. That I was having an emotional reaction to a change in medication didn't help. When both of us are depressed, we tend to feed off each other.
Things have been better lately, although I've noticed he has a tendency to say or do whatever he likes. People, including me, don't always react well to this behaviour. Of particular note was a track meet we went to a couple of weeks ago. He made such an issue of how poorly run the meet was that nobody else could enjoy it. Fortunately, he calmed down after a while. When he gets like that, there's nothing I can do or say to stop him.
Last week was a good week. I was on vacation and we did a lot of things together. We also had some of the best conversation we've had in a long time. As close as we've always been it really bothers both of us when we can't communicate due to his depression or mine at times.
I've noticed he's in a lot better mood on the days he can get out and run.
I'll try to keep a better journal next time, when my own mood is less suspect. Hope this helps.
Jackie in New Hampshire, USA
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